Yesterday, I started my latest round of treatments. For the next six weeks (six is the ideal but more on that later) every Tuesday the following will occur.
CAUTION: THE REMAINDER OF THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH.
At 9:30 AM I will head from home to the VA hospital in Newington. On the way I will give the finger to at least two other drivers. (If you don't know why, you've not driven in Connecticut. Turn signals are considered optional. Lane weaving is considered mandatory.) Once at Newington, I go to the check-in to have my card swiped and the to the waiting area. Nurse Bonnie is so efficient that she'll be there with a specimen cup before I can be seated. Then it's off to the restroom where I'll catheterize myself, collect the urine specimen and drain my bladder. The urine is returned to Bonnie who will send it to the lab for a rush analysis looking for microbes. This will take about 45 minutes during which time I'll go to the cafeteria for a bad cup of coffee.
When I return to the waiting room, Bonnie will come out and say aye or nay. If the urine was clean enough I can take the treatment. If not, I go home and return the following week. If it's truly infected, I'll go to the pharmacy for antibiotics. This is why I don't expect to finish the treatments in the ideal six weeks. The last time it took 14 weeks.
If it was a "yes" then I'll take a seat (I always bring a book as the magazines are worse than the average Dr.'s office) and wait for the pharmacy to rush up with the treatment. It can't be prepared in advance due to the nature of the live bacteria. Within a half hour, a tech will come bustling in with a sealed container consisting of 50 million units of Interferon Alpha 2-B and 81 milligrams of Bacillus Calmette-Guerin (BCG is a mild strain of tuberculosis). Bonnie takes me into a treatment area where she will drape my penis, wash it with Betadine, shoot a topical anesthetic via my meatus, insert a new catheter, drain my bladder again while pushing over it and then inject the meds through the catheter. All this while we chat about anything other than cancer or treatments. ( Naturally, I will attempt to peek down her scrub shirt but I think it's just force of habit.) A brief delay to make certain that I'm not going to faint or do something equally silly and I'm off.
Two hours later, I catheterize myself again in order to remove the meds. Two cups of bleach go into the toilet bowl and stay there for 30 minutes before flushing in order to kill any remaining bacteria. The next day I might have a bit of a fever but nothing all that severe. By Friday, I'll be fine.
So now you know. If you're tempted to pray for me it's OK but probably Bonnie deserves your prayers more for putting up with me every week.
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